Lesbian Widows by Victoria Whipple

Author:Victoria Whipple [Whipple, Victoria]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Social Science, LGBTQ+ Studies, Gay Studies, Sociology, General, Women's Studies
ISBN: 9781317712848
Google: FDxpAwAAQBAJ
Publisher: Routledge
Published: 2014-04-23T01:06:03+00:00

FEELING HER PRESENCE

Another typical experience, especially in the first few months after the death of a loved one, is to have a sense of our deceased partner’s presence and to talk to her as if she were still alive. Sometimes other people may wonder about us if we tell them we are doing this, but it is a perfectly normal way to react to our loss.

I made periodic visits to Em’s gravesite that first year. It felt to me like she wanted me to just sit there with her for a while, just feel her presence, as if she were missing me too. In fact, through all those early months after Emily’s death I would have times when I sensed her presence. These experiences were always affirming and encouraging to me. One time, for example, I was thinking about why this had to happen, why she had to die, and I sensed her telling me to appreciate the time we had together and to know that I gave her what she needed, a sense of being loved. In my journal I wrote,

Although we had talked about being “little old ladies sipping tea and growing old together,” it was not meant to be. It was a transition time for both of us; we supported each other through changes in our lives. I was able to accompany her on her journey to death, and she died knowing she was loved. She empowered me to be where I am, who I am today.

In the midst of my grief, I was trying to make sense of the experience. Talking to Em and experiencing her presence helped me do that. Irene shared how she felt a sense of MJ’s presence:

Not a day goes by that I do not think of her and speak to her. Somehow, starting from the morning she died, I have the gift of believing she touches me and makes her presence known to me through sunlight. It is an incredible feeling to have that gift, that constant presence. I do not know how it came about. I did not make it up and it has never left me.

I had several dreams about Em during the year after her death. I could not always remember the dream when I awoke, but I always had the intense sense of her presence.

In this dream, Em and I were giving some kind of presentation. Em kept wanting to add this and lengthen that even though I did not think we would have enough time. Finally we had to just end the presentation. The dream seemed so real. Like she was alive and I really had talked to her. Like the presentation in the dream, her life and our relationship had been cut much shorter than we had planned.

Heather shared a dream she had about Ruth:

When Ruth died, I wanted to dream about her. I remember I did not have a single dream about her for the first few months. When I finally did, I was pleased, and told myself that she had been too busy before that to enter my dreams.

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